"daydream believer"

eyes wide open...

2010-05-08T22:18:00.000-04:00

The street light is peakin in the window. The window is cracked open. Hear the train from miles away, tearing down the tracks. The cars fly by in a hurry, I wonder where they're going. Road wide open, I should get in mine and drive for miles. Instead I lay here, with eyes wide open. No light to see, blankets over top of me. I can't think straight. Heart is in a million different directions. I wish you'd call, I wish you were here. Ill wait and wait, with eyes wide open.

take every second for what its worth...

2010-03-21T20:19:00.003-04:00

hard or not, we learn things...we learn that things will never be as they seem. that people will always leave. that life will happen unexpectedly and happen this way right before your very eyes, ready or not.
somedays words are not enough, some days, nothing is ever enough to let someone know how much they mean to you. don't let a moment go by without letting those people know what they are to you, who they are in your heart, where they stand. because without any rhyme or reason, without questions asked or answered, our lives will change in a simple tick of a clock, and we may never get that moment back again. give it all away, all your heart away to someone, give it to someone who will give it back, fully and completely. dont let the lil moments go by, dont let the lil things go unnoticed, keep them and treasure them, "in a heart-shaped locket around your neck". and relieve those memories through the days that go by. we can't prepare ourselves for the heartache, or for the happiness that will stand in front of us each day, but we can keep ourselves from regret. from holding back. its the only way to go about each day, by reaching out for someones hand and loving them with all you have. you have to try and try, love like crazy because you have no idea who will come and who will go, and the one who lives deep within your soul, that holds your heart in the palm of their hands, you never know when they'll be taken away from you. we never know when anyone will be taken from us, when we'll have another chance, life is a roller-coaster full of chances to be taken or wasted, to love or not, to give your all or give up. but whatever you do, do it with all your heart so that you'll never have to look back...

Fly with me

2009-12-29T08:50:00.002-05:00

The swift air filled the sky, as the suns rays descending, stretched across its sides.
Our hearts exploded with excitement like children as the colors unfolded in our eyes.
THe magic expanding in our fingertips as we kissed the ground goodbye.
How high would we drift, how much would we see,
we just had each other, ourselves we could be.
The world below us disappeared from our eyes views,
which direction of beauty would we sweetly sail into.

The landscape of the clouds, and the lake from afar.
The children screaming below,
the pond where a simple reflection would come to magnify and glow.
Leaves were changing as we skimmed the treetops limbs, we simply grazed.
Feeling like we could reach and out touch the world, leaving us completely speechless and amazed.

We started towards the heavens and the earth began to rotate.
In harmony with nature, as we travel in the distance.
The whirlwind of colors twirled around above us, leaving us breathless as we traveled through the maze to a questionable destination.
Shivering cold in the air balloon, hold on tight, we're coming down soon.
Fly with me , take me away again,
into that mysterious sunset sky tonight.

The world was chasing us around, we were stuck in that moment,
time was silent and its something I can still feel.
Dreams become reality,while fairytales are coming true.
Happiness is found simple in the unexpected places,
and i am standing here with you.
I can describe it perfectly with the words rolling off my lips.
I'll hold onto it ever so carefully like its slipping through my grip.
In that balloon of infinite colors,
we'll light up the sky with magic, glowing for all beneath us to see.
Snapshots of wonder taken, and solid hard souls will awaken.
And we'll be apart of those smiles,
and as were floating down.
I'll make a wish on that star we can barely see,
that we could just hold on and stay awhile,
just you and me.

Fairytales and dreams

2009-10-26T20:42:00.004-04:00

I'm trying to hold on to what I have,
but I'm clearly chasing after these memories endlessly.
The days get longer without you,
my heart shatters a little more each moment you're gone.
I feel without a soul, walking down a lonely road.
I want to fill up the air that you breathe,
and sink into your eyes falling head over heels.
Wrap my smile around yours, getting lost in another world.
Together, you and I but only you with me.

It's a sweet lullaby that I want to whisper on your lips,
and take you beyond your wonders.
Steal my heart, as I run my hand across the sole of your back.
Feel my love run in and out through your veins.
Come on baby, lets believe in those fairy tales and dreams,
take hold of my fingertips, run away with me.

Forget the past, forget whats lost,
hold onto us, for were whats real.
Let go of all the heartaches, know nothing of the heartbreaks.
Leave it all behind, I'm all your gonna need,
from now until forever.
It's not some kind of make-believe,
i know right now its hard to see,
without a shadow of a doubt, there are no guarantees.
Life happens, we fall in and out of love,
it's not easy, we have to fight for what is true,
but i promise you.
Nobody's felt this love that we feel,
it's unique, undefined pure and profound.
It's something only you and I can see,
a love between you and me.

It's a sweet lullaby that I want to whisper on your lips,
and take you beyond your wonders.
Steal my heart, as I run my hand across the sole of your back.
Feel my love run in and out through your veins.
Come on baby, lets believe in those fairy tales and dreams,
take hold of my fingertips, run away with me.

The way I feel when you're not there...

2009-10-09T06:20:00.003-04:00

As I watch the sun dancing at a far,
I can't help but wonder where you are;
and if I'm somehow in your mind.
The sun drifts off to sleep,
and it's singing the sweetest tune in my head.

Emotionally drunk, every day.
And I'm writing these words down,
flowing through this heart of mine.
I simply say,
I need you more and more each day.
I want your finger tips entwined,
the details of your glorious eyes defined.
I need your lips pressed softly against mine,
I need you and I tangled up with each moment in time.

The silent air fills up around me,
the quietness, the stillness surrounds me.
I can't breathe when you're not there.
And the breeze that passes by,
reminds me of that moment with you last night.
It's got the stars twinkling,
the moon looking down, making up this perfect night light.
The tree branches are swaying, backward and forward,
moving in smooth rhythm and rhyme just the way we were.

Emotionally drunk, every day.
And I'm writing these words down,
flowing through this heart of mine.
I simply say,
I need you more and more each day.
I want your finger tips entwined,
the details of your glorious eyes defined.
I need your lips pressed softly against mine,
I need you and I tangled up with each moment in time.

I can feel you all around me,
everywhere I look, its beautiful picture of the two of us.
My hearts empty, I need your love to fill me up,
and take hold of my heart with all you have.
I want to be with you , to enlighten your soul;
take you to new heights, make your heart pound.
Speak to you, keep you while the world spins round.

Soaked in the rain...

2009-09-30T22:06:00.003-04:00

Walking up to you, as you're sitting there waiting,
the anticipation in my mind,
the emotions running, beating through my heart.
The stillness of my mind just can't seem to break it,
I'm stunned, paralyzed for as far as I can see,
you're standing there in front of me.
And I'm lost without words, my fingertips reach for yours...

And the moonlight takes its place above our heads,
the rain starts to drip softly, your eyes are glistening more and more.
I'm yearning to hold you close,
lightning crashes across the sky.
And it begins to pour,
I can promise you I've never felt this before.

Holding onto each other,
fingers so closely intertwined,
both knowing we want to be closer.
The rain passionately falls harder,
running down your body.
I'm mesmerized at the way your skin is so perfect.
It's turning my heart in ways I didn't know existed,
I'm so in love with you.
I could stare for hours and still crave you,
longing for your touch.

And the moonlight takes its place above our heads,
the rain starts to drip softly, your eyes are glistening more and more.
I'm yearning to hold you close,
lightning crashes across the sky.
And it begins to pour,
I can promise you I've never felt this before.

Our lips softly touch, I fall into your arms.
Tell me this isn't a dream, tell me I should keep holding on.
The passion intensifies, I feel so much going on inside.
Blood rushing, mind is spinning, you're driving me crazy.
The water across the sky, lights shining from a high,
take me in, soak me up,
let me feel you.

And the moonlight takes its place above our heads,
the rain starts to drip softly, your eyes are glistening more and more.
I'm yearning to hold you close,
lightning crashes across the sky.
And it begins to pour,
I can promise you I've never felt this before.

Reflecting...

2009-09-13T14:17:00.004-04:00

I'm walking down the silent road,
red to green to yellow.
I've traveled this path before, slowly turning around,
eyes over my shoulder.
Gazing back at you, wanting you to be right there.

It's right past that time of day,
where you feel the moments drift away,
reflecting on all that passed us by in those hours of solitude,
fleeting time has gone.
The sky is becoming yours,
the crisp air is gasping your breath,
sending shivering chills across your skin.
You can feel it, taking away your soul,
leaving you wanting all that is real.
And the sunlight is drifting into the moonlight,
won't you sway with me under the deep moonlight?
Holding onto this time standing still,
leave me breathless in your eyes under this starry night.
I want to hold you in my arms,
dance with me, get lost with me.
I'll hold onto this moment, I won't let you go,
I want to keep you forever.
I want this to last forever,
right here, this time and this place, it could last forever.
You feel it too, everything is so perfectly fitting together.
The night is beyond perfect, its just like a dream.
Keep dreaming, keep falling.

My heart is going crazy for you,
every time I look at you, every time you pass me by.
You leave me stunned, leaving my eyes amazed.
You can't begin to imagine how lovely you are.
My mind can't begin to make it all clear enough,
so that I can speak the words to make you see what you are to me.
It makes me numb some days to be around you, no feeling at all.
I'm so wrapped up, and it takes control of all of me.
But my heart finds its way out of the numbness,
its still left beating uncontrollably at you.

Were fighting for the time to stand still,
fighting against the sunrise, cause we want this to last forever.
Holding onto the stars filling the skies above our heads,
i'm holding onto how they shine in your eyes.
I want to keep the starlight, i want to keep the moon tonight,
so that you're still here with me when the morning light arrives.

A Hearts Moment

2009-09-12T17:19:00.003-04:00

A mystic evening sets in as you grace upon my thoughts.
Diving in like you always seldom do.
The winds tear through my mind,
constant reminders of days behind and what could be.
Night sky falls into place,
rapidly changing colors with a warm embrace.
One that reminds me of you and me,
and how we genuinely fell in love.
You took my heart with one small glance,
and every time I'm at this place, i solemnly see your face.
I wanna capture you like i can picture this majestic beauty,
of such a quiet world i've fallen into.
I replay in my head, you walking towards me,
with such a heavenly light upon you.
At that moment, all i feel in my heart, something taking over me.
It's making me lose control, and I come to know the feeling so much more.
Deeply breathing, fall into me, like I've fallen into you.
And the moments gone, you walk away.
This beautiful place reappears, and I look to the sky,
emotionally reliving,
quietly believing,
i'm left standing here.

Fighting for a heart

2009-07-23T16:18:00.002-04:00

So you put up this wall against the world,
from being hurt so many times before.
to see who will fight,
whose gonna walk in your life and stay,
or whos just gonna walk in then just like before walk away.
Well here I am standing before you,
trying to understand,
trying to prove, i'll fight.
always fight for your heart.

Fighting for a heart only lasts so long.
I can't stand here forever holding on.
I'm giving my all to you.
Give me something back to prove its the same.
It's not a one way street.
Give me your heart.
Give me your soul.
Give me your words, your rhyme, and reason
to show me I'm fighting for something I can believe in.

Every day I'm wondering, just what is you want.
How to be there, in the way you need me to.
Sometimes you lead me to believe this is real.
Others, i'm thinking your walkin in quick sand,
not having a clue of how you feel.
Open up your heart, quit pushin the world away,
sometimes you gotta understand, not everyones the same.

I'll keep fighting for your heart,
but only for so long.
You're pushin me away and tomorrow i'll be gone.
Can you understand where I'm coming from,
can you try before this comes undone.
I've opened up my heart, tried with all my words,
expressing the control you have over me.
I've given you my eyes so you can understand my soul.
I can see it when our eyes meet you want to let go.
But then you get scared, your mind takes over and you become someone else.
Fighting for a heart only last for so long,
I can't stand here forever without reason to hold on.

Eyes That I Adore

2009-07-11T09:59:00.004-04:00

I see your eyes in the stars at night.
I see the stars in your eyes so bright.
Reflections of the sunlight,
sparkles like fireflies.
A glimpse of heaven's light.
Blinking to the rhythm of time,
colors of the spectrum unwind.
Unknown passions unfold,
stories of your past are told.
Filled with so many mysteries,
of dreams you want to believe.

Holding your heart inside.
They lead straight through to your soul.
A soul I want to see.
A heart I want to hold.
I'm captured by your ever so perfect smile,
its heavy on my heart, but it takes a while.
To know right now its nothing compared to those eyes,
that i adore.

Eyes are the vision of all you want and need.
In one moment bolder than ever before.
At another, the weakest because of what they hold.
The truth.
The real.
The lies disappear.
The serenity of the restless fear.
No hiding,
All surfacing.
The passion.
It's beautiful.Honestly beautiful.
Taking me by surprise.
Everytime.
When I look in those eyes.

Holding your heart inside.
They lead straight through to your soul.
A soul I want to see.
A heart I want to hold.
I'm captured by your ever so perfect smile,
its heavy on my heart, but it takes a while.
To know right now its nothing compared to those eyes,
that i adore.

The Rest of Our Lives

2009-06-22T07:19:00.004-04:00

Passing each other by, grasping ones soul.
Connected at a moment, a moment that will become forever.
Trying new adventures,
taking an oppurtunity.
Love becomes so visible between the two.
One taht only you feel deep in your hearts.
Day by day, it grows stronger,
something that can't be put into words.

[There goes today,
here comes tomorrow.
Here comes hello, there goes goodbye.
Timely, in a blink of an eye,
Here it is, the rest of our lives.]

That one day comes, to begin your life as one.
As the rest of the world looks on,
surrounded by ever person whos changed your life in the past.
You take each others hand, clasped together.
You finally feel that uncontrollable happiness youve looked for all your life.
Now its real, you'll hold nothing back.
With all of life, here is your love.

[There goes today,
here comes tomorrow.
Here comes hello, there goes goodbye.
Timely, in a blink of an eye,
Here it is, the rest of our lives.]

Time, like an ever-rolling stream,
drifts swiftly without question or answers.
Taking chances on a journey,
or holding back with fierce fright.
Whichever path we choose,
we'll take on life together.

[There goes today,
here comes tomorrow.
Here comes hello, there goes goodbye.
Timely, in a blink of an eye,
Here it is, the rest of our lives.]

Sunset You

2009-06-21T07:17:00.009-04:00

Laying with my back against the soft grass, I can feel the wonderful evening breeze gracing me. I begin as always to watch the sky slowly change colors.
And watching this beauty unfold, my mind often follows what my eyes see. And it led me to thinking of people in my life. You know those people who with in a blink of an eye can instantly hold your heart in the palm of their hand. Well thats where this portrait sunset on this day took me, so heres where it left me..."Sunset You"

Sitting here wondering, with you on my mind.
Looking out upon the water; i stop and stare, a moment in time.
It's captured in the deep passion of the sunset colors,
its framed in a painted picture, its you I adore.
Wrapped up in all this beauty, I find myself not being able to let go.
I'm frozen, you're holding my heart; believe me,its so.
You're lighting up the sky, you're lighting up my life, one in the same,
you're gravity, something is bringing me back to you.
Always back to you.

[I'm caught up in this symmetry, the shades that shine.
I can't hold back, because I know you'll be gone, and i'll be lost.
I'm scared.
I dont know what to think, this vision is so dreamly.
The artistry is undeniable, i'm finding my heart uncontrollably beating,
everytime I see your face, and I feel this warm embrace, grasping me with grace;
I'm taken back to this place.
Sunset you.]

You've got this whole world surrounding you,
and I'm begging to be someone, not just someone; but your all.
You're full of those brilliant masterpieces,
all held together by one heart.
No matter where I turn, something special grabs my eye,
and my soul just comes undone.
You leave me just guessing. Becoming weaker everytime.
So much I want to say, just waiting for the words to become a sound.
It's amazing and indescribeable, it something profound.

[I'm caught up in this symmetry, the shades that shine.
I can't hold back, because I know you'll be gone, and i'll be lost.
I'm scared.
I dont know what to think, this vision is so dreamly.
The artistry is undeniable, i'm finding my heart uncontrollably beating,
everytime I see your face, and I feel this warm embrace, grasping me with grace;
I'm taken back to this place.
Sunset you.]

And as I'm sitting here, staring back at you.
I lose my breath, and find my soul.
I can't stop myself from dreaming,
as long as I'm alive and breathing.
I'll find you there.
Sitting in solitude, you light up the sky.
My feet are stuck here on the ground,
my head is in the sky.
My eyes are filled with majestic beauty,
its amazing wonders I see.
In that sunset you...

[I'm caught up in this symmetry, the shades that shine.
I can't hold back, because I know you'll be gone, and i'll be lost.
I'm scared.
I dont know what to think, this vision is so dreamly.
The artistry is undeniable, i'm finding my heart uncontrollably beating,
everytime I see your face, and I feel this warm embrace, grasping me with grace;
I'm taken back to this place.
Sunset you.]

Basset or Seal?

2009-05-29T06:41:00.012-04:00

basset or seal? we're not sure...

sometimes we think starbuck might be a seal.
actually this crosses our minds quite often.
he sits like one.

when he barks, i promise it sounds like a seal is in the house.

he lays like one.
everything..everything he does. he was a seal in another life.
except for the fact that he is so hyper. not like a seal.
i bought him to be lazy. to sleep all day.
does he do that. NO.
he is hyper.
super hyper!
maybe he's a jack russel with long ears.
hes not normal.

what dog chews on his food bowl?
hes got all the toys in the world. and he chews on a bowl.
he picks it up. carrys it around. slings it across the living room. flips it up in the air. chases it.
SERIOUSLY?!
but he is the sweetest, most cutest thing i've ever seen.
for sure.

Life in the fastlane...(my picture of life)

2009-05-22T21:31:00.006-04:00

Life is the game of poker, wondering what hand I'll be dealt;
its a rollercoaster of twists and turns, unexpectedly.
Life is like an hour glass of timely sinking sand,
and its the waves of the deep sea, full of ups and downs.
It's the fleeting brilliance of a comet,
the flash of a firefly in the night.
Life is a wedding's first dance that turns into a lifetime.
It's the perfect lyrics making music to my ears.
Life is the calm breeze, lifting me off my feet into heaven.
Life is the passion of falling deeply in love.
It's the quiet and sureal beauty of flowers bursting alive everywhere.
Life is the chance to watch a newborn child grow up to someone new.
Life is the painted rainbow of assorted colors lining the silver sky.
It's the touch of a kids hand as it reaches for me to hold.
Life is beauty in the heart which touches another.
It's the simplicitc magic of the golden sun setting in the most mysterious ways.
Life is the adventure of standing in a fierce storm to watch the sky glow.
Life is the city lights across the sky-scraping buildings that do
wonders to the human eye.
It's the thundering drops of a waterfall pouring off a mountain top.
Life is the panasonic view of the beautys of the world right at your fingertips.
Life is knowing when to take baby steps, when to walk and when to run.
Life is full of give and take,
its conquered by people who are real, its destroyed by those who are fake.
Life is knowing when to dream, and when to wake,
when to listen and when to say.
Life is stumbling over the truth, picking myself up and moving on.
Lifes' a still, repeated dream; a rock skipping roughly on a stream.
Life is that of a desirable thing, that of a wish that can't ever be.
It's the journey you take, the destination blinded by unknown paths.
Life is going from where i started, to where I am today.
It's changed by unspoken words.
It's being wrapped up in feelings of heartache and love.
My life above all else is believing, trusting, hoping and walking by faith;
My life is figuring out who I am, who I'm not and who I truly wanna be.

With a smile

2009-05-05T21:10:00.003-04:00

With a smile that brightens up the world each moment,
and eyes that capture a heart in a second.
You change each of us one by one,
without even knowing it; stunningly we dont even know it either.
You don't even try, youre just being yourself.
Being happy with the simple things,
inspiring us how to be,
with a smile thats your own.
You're laughter its such a miracle to see,
you don't ask questions of whats to come or what will ever be.
We watch you,you're actions, words and expressions;
trying to teach you but so easily its you leaving life lasting impressions on me.
Being happy with the simple things,
inspiring us how to be,
with a smile thats your own.
Treating others with deep compassion,
the world should watch your every move.
You don't want complicated,only laughter and fun,
why can't we come together like you instead of speedily coming undone.
It's miraculous how it happens every single day,
its heaven on earth the way you change me,opening my heart ,
helping me to conquer my fears,
making me take chances, instead of running away.
You do it all.
Being happy with the simple things,
inspiring us how to be,
with a smile thats your own.

2009-05-05T21:04:00.003-04:00

Its not difficult for me to love you.
Quite simple fighting for your love.
Its easy falling in your ways,
getting lost in your memories with the passing days.
Time after time the blink of your eyes,
wash out my mind, tear me up;
wrap me up inside your soul.
As you stare out into the rays of the sun,
my defense un-ravels and comes undone.
This power you have over me, its never gonna die down,
keeps getting stronger and making me weak.
I'm not one to fight my heart.
It always leads me back to;
so easily falling for you.

Troubled Love?

2009-05-05T20:59:00.002-04:00

Why are you so far away from me?
Only time can tell til you're running back to see.
How much we've lost,in such a split of time
and grasping hands to keep from falling even more behind.

[It's a dying soul, a story left untold.
Crying hearts, trusted yours and you trusted mine.
Distance rips, love collapses at your feet,
leaving us so bling]

We're together now, troubles go away,
disappear into a misty clear.
Plans are made, convinced their in our hands, love oh so near.
And hours leaves us minutes, with only seconds left...and yes i'm gone.

[]

Fighting left and right, alone baby day and night,
so much keeping us tied down.
i'm so lost searching to be found,
with you now or not at all, cant take the beating,
i'm already out and ready to fall.

[]

Lets just be us for now,
leave the world, and escape the clouds.
Forget everyone, just you and me, our love and rhyme
never thinking of clocks ticking out of time...

Crayon Box

2009-02-19T06:51:00.006-05:00

It's such a splendor of mixtures, a colorful colorful world.
Paint palet of personalities, spread all over one place.
All the colors of a crayon box, shown on a person's face.
Expressions with shades bright as the sun;
shades of happy red, orange as a full moon, shining yellow just as stars on the run.
Some at the opposite end of the spectrum,
dramatic change, fading to color a dull picture.
Black as the holes of a shattered heart,
brown as the crisp dead cracking leaves of winter slowly breaking apart.
Dark as the twisting final end of an afternoon summer thunderstorm drifting away,
gloomy electricy fill the empty clouds with grey.
When we wake in the morning, which color to choose,
the box filled with so many choices.
Some a perfect fit,some confused;
some don't make sense, some do.
Is it a plan or destiny, the way the colors play out.
Something like closing your eyes, playing the odds;
pickin a crayon of color, wondering whats coming about.
Or as we wake we decide right then and there,
what color will have on our face , with the world we will share.
Crayon boxes, crowded, so packed together.
As the streets we walk, livin in a heavy mess;
Open and closed, as quick as life will confess.
Reflect on the past,
Which color will it be,
today, tomorrow, in all that the world brings.

Tell me its in your heart

2009-02-18T06:49:00.003-05:00

Spoken through the heart, bodly speaking out
True honest conversations,
exchanging understanding.
Compassion defined, emotions refined.
Holding not a single word back,
forcing out feelings, rapidly unfolded.

Tell me to wait, I just dont think i know how.
Tell me to stop needing, I certaintly don't know how.
Show me to stop loving, I definetly don't want to know how.
It's just not my nature, I got to let it out.
I can't just stop my heart from beating.

Show me with your expressions,
tell me we're in this together, that i'm not on my own.
Don't push me away, i'll fall away so easy.
And coming back won't be so simple.
You've seen it before, i've been there for sure.
Don't let it go that far,
don't let it get that way.
Don't let us go to sleep,
and there be nothing left to say.

Tell me to wait, I just dont think i know how.
Tell me to stop needing, I certaintly don't know how.
Show me to stop loving, I definetly don't want to know how.
It's just not my nature, I got to let it out.
I can't just stop my heart from beating.

I won't be back this time, theres no chance, no reason, no rhyme.
I can't keep letting you in,
when you've pushed me so far to the end.
I'm running, running so far today.
Make the decision now, I can't tell you how.
Look in your heart, look for me there.
Find it in my eyes, tell me so I know.
Grab me by the hand, take me by the soul.

Tell me to wait, I just dont think i know how.
Tell me to stop needing, I certaintly don't know how.
Show me to stop loving, I definetly don't want to know how.
It's just not my nature, I got to let it out.
I can't just stop my heart from beating.

always...be thankful.

2008-12-01T13:08:00.005-05:00

You ever come to think about how one moment you have it all together, and in a split glance in the opposite direction; you're at the other end of the hour glass, with time running out?...

[as always, over thanksgiving holidays, everyone joins hands
around the table and gives thanks. we gather together with
loved ones; rememnber those who aren't with us, individually
we realize how much we've truly been blessed with....some of us take
time to give to others, some people realize what truly is important
in life, some hearts break down and under who we have portrayed them
to be , slowly become someone else.]

See the way it lays on my heart...
i can't think of a reason as to why this should be happening always.
why do we let something we want, something we have, something we
desire or long for; something that holds a place in our heart,
something we have a hold of, we let it slip...slip right through
the soft pathways of our fingers. why?
Because for what reason do we think we can live without
these precious things. or do we think we shouldn't jump
for joy everyday that we have something so special
in our lives. why don't people take the time to be thankful
for those things, every single day?
I don't get it.

.dont have time.
.too demanding.[someone wants to know you're there, and its too demanding?]
.i love you.[its not enough, express it every moment you can, show it, believe in it]
.pride.[selfishness. too prideful to say i'm sorry,to let someone have your heart,
to be weak or to fall apart, so you block them out, push them further away]
.confused.[you don't know what you want, so while you have it, you throw it away]
.it gets hard. [things that make life hard, make it great]

i just can't grasp it.....

no matter whats going on in life. no matter how hard it gets, how busy you are. whether you think you know what you want or don't. whether you're too stubborn to let your heart go or not. dont let it all slip away.
be thankful.
don't take it for granted for a second...

{to be able to talk to someone you love}
{to hug that special someone}
{to wake up to that cotton-candy colored sunrise}
{to gather with your family}
{to share youre emotions and feelings}
{to walk barefooted across a field of clovers}
{to play like a child}
{to whisper in the wind}
{to lay on your backs under the stars}
{to hold someone in your arms}
{to look into the eyes of your children}
{to take another breath}
{to say i love you...and to be able to show it}

dont let it slip away. it'll be gone.
.........................
......................
..............
........
.....
..
.
gone.

unanswered....

2008-08-25T20:51:00.002-04:00

Beyond belief, every wonder of creation,
grasping breath as the night light falls,
moonlight sets and morning calls.
In the wake of imagination, God's holy sensation
surrounds us in change.
Time passes by in the turn of day and night,
realization of new beginning in close sight.
The coldness and tingling crashes around,
the numbness of the winter starts to surround.
Soon springing in the fresh air, petals leap from the earths bare.
The colors caress our minds,
the brightness of miracles impossible to find.
Rolling in the waves; sweetness in sound.
Pictured perfect in our thoughts, bare feet in the sand,
sunshine in the clouds, flashing across the land.
Believing the impossible, changing once again,
leaves of bold shades, dancing in the rain.
Astonishing beauty falling from above,
droplets of Heaven, all of Angel's love.
Beyond all expression, our reasons why,
magically dreams find their way,
in God's creating hands.

camp hugg reflection

2008-08-25T20:42:00.000-04:00

How do you know when you’ve impacted someone’s life? Or when you’ve changed someone’s life for that matter? My goal during the week of Camp Hugg was to make a difference in the life of at least one of the campers. By the end of the week, I might have done that but I realized my life was the one being changed. One of my favorite quotes and one I chose to lead me during the week is “Give as much as you can, take nothing back.” I find that making others happy is the sole of my own happiness. You see if you don’t expect anything, you’ll get more than you’ve ever wanted or needed. That’s what Camp Hugg gave me. Everything.
My anticipation to begin the week, couldn’t compare to the phenomenal feelings I got upon meeting and getting to know the campers. The week was filled with exhilarating adventure, steadfast challenges, life-altering moments, but most importantly; each one of us walking in the ways of the Lord. From kickball, basketball and our playground fun, dancing until we dropped and the hokey pokey five times plus one. The trip to the zoo; the attempt to find the gorillas, feeding the birds and acting like monkeys…just being kids is what it was. Swimming in the pool, playing chair volleyball, and singing karaoke. Arts and crafts, bible stories, hay rides and bus rides, capturing the bandits; nothing could compare to our week of HELPING UNDER GOD’S GRACE!
I can’t quite describe perfectly how God worked in such mysterious ways this week. God worked through us but more so the campers. They didn’t have to but they made us a part of their worlds. The way their hearts beat when they hugged you a million times a day; changing you into a different person each second. Their faithfulness to each on of us was so honest and pure. Their uniqueness, forever and true. Their strength to face the world with open eyes and open hearts. The way their weaknesses rarely showed. I was changed this week. Mitchell’s challenge of getting over his fear of thunderstorms, showed me how to be strong in times of difficulty and moments of fear. Jesse’s shyness taught me how it was okay to open up my heart and trust someone. To believe in Jesus, how would always be standing there beside us. David Cook’s ability to smile all day long, showed me how every minute of life has something wonderful to offer; to take advantage of every breath you take. David Moody’s way of saying “I love you” to anyone he came across, showed me exactly how God wants me to act every day. This week, it was miraculous the feeling of completeness I was left with. Seeing God’s light not only through the wilderness beauty of camp; but the magic flowing through the hands, the eyes, the words, the hearts of our campers was endless.
“I thank my God everytime I remember you” –Philippians 1:3. I might have impacted someone’s life, but I left deeply impacted. The connections were deep. Honestly to good to be true. But they were real. These campers were beautiful inside and out. The moments were passionate reflections of God’s love for each of us; a perfectly painted picture of how all the world should be.

expectations...

2008-04-30T14:38:00.002-04:00

"people tell you your expectations are too high. but who cares? Why shouldn't you expect the best?"

-this was my horoscope for the day. my much observed and re-read horoscope that leaves me to ponder and wonder. Like seriously, how does it read my mind. how does it know what i'm feeling, thinking, trying to but yet fighting to understand?

I've been realizing this from a lot of lifes colored spectrums. that i simply expect too much. from life? from people? from moments? No, i don't agree with those set opinions of late. I'm not one to settle with "okay". It's not the way i've lived my life from day one. It's not the way i want to do things, or picture things, or the standards I want to go by. And I can't see why or how its possible to give me that pre-conception that I set my standards and expectations too high.

Are you kidding me?
In relationships, I want the best and demand the best. I'm not saying I want to find the ones everyone wants to have a relationship with. But when it comes to me, i demand that what i give, i want in return. That I don't want to be stabbed in the back repeatedly. That I don't want to be okay with a simple i love you. That i feel the need that love must be proven. Trusting someone is one thing, and although that comes difficult i do it. But is it really all it takes? Granted loving someone is emotion, and you can't exactly prove emotions. But to show and express to someone you love them, thats real and thats proof. I don't say i love you unless I mean it, and i don't mean it unless i'm willing to show it, otherwise i can't gain someones trust to believe in my love for them.

When it comes to life, I want the best. I work to achieve and get to the top. I do what is expected and don't stop til i do. thats me. why should you work any other way than that. why should you be involved in something or committed to something if you can't give it everything you've got. morally, how can that be possible.
I want to change lives. I want to make impressions day in and day out.
I want to grow up, but stay a kid. I want to be happy and do everything right in God's eyes to do that. I want to be like my mother. It's who i admire and respect. I want to be a wonderful mom. I want to raise a beautiful child. I want to be a wonderful wife. I want to teach my children whats right and wrong, how to respect everyone. How to fight for things they believe in. How to not give up on love. How to believe in whats real. How to be a real person, to live for God, to not change for anyone. I want to be successful. I want to teach children every day for the rest of my life. Til i can't anymore.

I have such high expectations. but i want it all. i want it in the right order, i want it when it should come. I want it to be God's gift to me, and to sacrifice all i have to make it right.

Maybe,my expectations are too high, ...
no theres no way.

wonderful picture :)

2008-04-24T08:34:00.002-04:00

So i'm driving to work this morning and as i take my normal one million and one glances at the sky, i notice something rather interesting.
the moon and the sun were playing tag :)
imagine...two creations of different sensations, chasing the other.
atleast thats the way my little kidlike mind worked this morning. why not?
i fell in love quickly. i looked one way and there was the sun, i looked the other and here comes the moon.
now granted it could have been me just moving and it seemed that way, but nope. i came to a pause. they were playing tag. a little hide and seek. "i'm counting to 100 and i promise i won't peek..."...yes they were.
it was just my imaginations probably...but it kept me entertained on the way to work. it kept me smiling. kept me dreaming...

little inspirations...

2008-04-07T08:04:00.004-04:00

I often get inspired by things unexpected. This one was expected, but it stunned me so much more than usual. Casey often inspires me in her dance. She doesn't know it usually, or overlooks it really.
She had a competition in spartanburg this weekend, i get too excited for these things. Me, getting stressed over a dance competition that has nothing to do with me?
Yeah, seems out of the ordinary, but not when it has everything to do with her. She inspires me.
Watching her upon that stage. The second she walks on, its the same feelings of nervousness i got when i was the one in competition {just in a different atmosphere}.
I'm nervous for her, wanting the best for her. The music starts, and she graces across the stage and i can only watch in awe. She amazes me. I'll never understand how its done.
I love to watch her work so hard. to achieve something. it inspires me.
she's so good at it. its unbelievable. proud...just isnt the word to describe it. It's so difficult to do, you have to be perfect. she is.
i adore watching her dance. i love when she makes the turn. i love when she leaps in the air. i love when her facial expressions show that hold all of who she is. i love when she gets done, and i can be so proud. i am.
she doesn't know it, how proud i am. how amazed i am.
she inspires me to be more.

Train Wrecked

2008-04-01T14:41:00.002-04:00

The shutter of train tracks tremblin'
rumblin for miles and miles.
Awakened mid-drearm, hearing whistlin screams.
Horns blow louder, noise galore,
same time every night aloud;
mixture of thoughts restling around.
Shouted sounds, wheels speedily turning.
Flashes of headlights, split the dreary woods in half.
Waking up the world, or just my world.
A connection once felt, passion once held.
A life story that would seem to unfold.
Do you believe in fate?
Of two souls meeting on one train ride to another place.
Train wrecked, dreams crashed.
Beliefs failed, promised lies.
Do you believe in these honest sighs.
It's all falling down to the ground,
passing by at night,
and all in all i lay and question why.
What once was said, now is not,
i hear it again, i feel it again;
every night like a rope tight knot.
Each time the shake,
keeps me shivering upon awake.
Grinding the ground,steel swiftly pounds.
Can hear the angry music along the tracks,
depening in my soul
as we travel back.

That Coffee Shop on the Corner

2008-04-01T12:49:00.003-04:00

That coffe shop on the corner
streets filled with loud embrace.
We fell in love witheach over, over such, a sweet warm taste.
Leaving the world laying at our footprints,
and taking a walk into new life.
Stayed up fighting closed eyes under the thick moonlight,
catching a view of each others thoughts at first sight,
sunlight has appeared, i wonder what you're doing now...
I wonder what you're thinking now?

I'm falling into you,
more than i ever knew.
I'm caught up in that coffee shop dream
you walk by the window and at a stop,
turn and stare at me,
and we go back to that place of soft memory.

If I saw you again on that corner,
would you collapse once again in my eyes.
Like you did with that first look of mine,
would words relax my bittersweet mind,
softly , laying in rhyme.
I'd believe each promise as you said,
like that storybook fairytale that we read;
just like the one i'm writing now...

I'm falling into you,
more than i ever knew.
I'm caught up in that coffeshop dream
you walk by the window and at stop,
turn and stare at me,
and we go back to that place of soft memory.

Where are you now, or was it a dream,
that moment frozen in time.
Are you sitting on that corner waiting for me,
as reality walks on by.
I go there in hopes to find you,
as we met that long away day.
Find you now,
in the way we looked at each other that way.

I'm falling into you,
more than i ever knew.
I'm caught up in that coffeshop dream
you walk by the window and at stop,
turn and stare at me,
and we go back to that place of soft memory.

just to see them smile...

2008-03-20T08:37:00.003-04:00

i'd do anything to get a little kid smile. but this one has prob been the funniest.

me and hayden (above) were playing our normal "house" and after he flipped our car over. he decided it was my turn to drive.

the kids thought it was hilarious. as well as the teachers. but seeing those kids crack up. priceless. it took a while to finally get out though. ;) but well worth it.
don't know that i'll try that again today though.
unless its requested of course.

connection...

2008-03-19T07:56:00.002-04:00

This morning started off kinda interesting for me.
As i got to school, i walked around the corner to the gym and saw a little girl standing there bawling her eyes out. At the effort to calm her down, i couldn't help but shed a tear myself.[nothing new]
I finally got her to stop crying enough to tell me what was wrong. When i asked,
she said with her voice shaking "i had bad dreams last night that bad things happened to my parents."
My heart stopped.
I'd been there before.
I said uncertain, "those dreams don't come true. Those aren't the beautiful dreams, and only beautiful dreams come true."
I told her honestly, "i've had those before too."
Reassuring her that they won't happen, she said " i have them all the time, every single night."
Still crying, she said "it makes me feel like i'm going to throw up when i get to school and my parents just dropped me off"
This worried me a little bit. I decided to take her to the school nurse to see if she could get her to calm down.
Thinking to myself that i'm the one who needed to calm down as well.
My heart hasn't stopped racing. nor my mind.
i've been there before. many times. more than i can remember.

we made a connetion though. although one that i choose not to think about.
me and this little girl.

dreamer....

2008-03-18T12:31:00.003-04:00

"i'm a dreamer, and nothing more..."

someone told me the other day, someone who knows me better than most...you can't help you've always been a dreamer, that you always see the glass half full and you believe it. you can't help that.

its funny, why do you believe things even though you proven its not going to happen. i have. with so many things in my life, not just recently but for so long. i'm given every reason to back away, yet i still dream of something so good happening, something changing, a spark to replug and reset the way things go. yet everytime, i just get disappointed. I'm not sure why i keep putting myself through it. i've always been this way, and probably always will. and it will probably ruin me before its the end, but a dreamer ill always be.

that perfect you...

2008-03-10T12:35:00.005-04:00

i just wanna be in your presence.
not so far away from you.
cause i'm so tired of walkin by another, and comparing it to you.
i guess thats ok, cuz you've got me that way
but i just wanna see what i'm longing for.
It may be too much to ask, but ill try anyway.
The way you have that glow, oh that glow.
under the soft sunshine rays,
and we used to play and lay all day.
And under those stars, gah the sparks you'd shoot off.
The way i look at you, its indescribeable. there are no words.
i belong to you.
The magic that takes over when i get close to you.
The passion between us, that nobody knows.
I'd be content if i had that everyday.
The grasp you have on my heart.
I need it.
i hate when i'm away.

Surprise, surprise...

2008-03-05T12:40:00.002-05:00

once again the day started off kinda dreary. don't remember sleeping.
thunderstorm, rain and lightning tho..what a magical thing to watch. i did don't you worry.
tried to sleep a little later than usual. didnt happen. made my normal morning trip to panera. its bad when they fix it before you even finish parking and have it ready to go for you. [:)] but i tend to like that.
talked to trav on the way there. put a good smile on my face. normally i'm at work before he leaves. :) welcome to the future huh. ;)
it was rather chilly this morning. had to park somewhere different this morning. my normal parking wasn't working out. got to play with the crossing guards a little bit this morning. haha... waited til they got back in the car and comfortable[and warm] then popped around the corner and made them get back out to let me walk across the street.
it was great.
voice is still gone. so teaching scooters didnt work out to well first block. but its quite entertaining.
so the rest of the day i've decided to do volleyball. that way i can play and not talk as much.
yeah my teams have dominated.
one game though was down to the wire. 17-16, 18-17, 18-19, 19-19, then we pulled ahead. 4 girls vs 4 boys. yeah we won 20-19. then i blew the whistle...:) not giving the boys another chance to score.
then they were begging for me to be on their team . i loved it.
lunch...wow.school taco salad. not sooooo good. when normal teachers decide they aren't going to eat in their today when they normally do...yeah u know its a sign. so i didnt bother touching it. just ate my apple sauce and cream corn.
saw one of my fav kids at lunch. actually several. but this one...he's a hard one to control. wanted me to sit with him. nah need a break from them. sat by myself. lil peace.
ready for day to be over. ready for the basketball game. my boy dwayne :( last game. gonna be good. can't wait. very anticipating.

day has been good. kept me from thinking. thats a good thing. very hard to do. sure i'll be back at it again though in a few....but hey maybe there is a surprise in store later. a thoughtless mind. that'd be great.

we'll see...

crazy eights

2008-03-04T14:40:00.003-05:00

woke up feeling baddddd.
kids.
can only make it better right?
wrong. they did not help
the noise. ouch!
smile on my face though.
all you can ask for.
a million of them. circling around. running full speed.
such a picture for the future.
my future.
ha. its crazy.
crazy eights. i did them. its competitive. so of course i'll take that challenge.
every class. always a few kids, who think they can do it faster.
ooooooooo...too cute.
so we race.
out 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8.
down 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8
out 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8
pushups 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8
in 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8
up 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8
in 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8
criss-cross 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8
clap 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8

seems fun huh.
it is. it was.
the kids like this challenge. try to beat the teacher.
ha, i won today. :)

still...they were crazy.
"he hit me."
"she ran over my finger on purpose on the scooter"
"they aren't aloud to sit together"
"ms. lindnledrr....how do you say your name?" hahahahaha
only makes me laugh like crazy.
" you look beautiful today"...always can count on my one kid to give me a compliment.

how can you not love it?

happy birthday

2008-03-04T14:32:00.002-05:00

happy birthday to you. happy birthday to you. happy birthday uncle larry. happy birthday to you.

yesterday was crazy.
no sleep the night before. sick.
woke up feeling worse.
only got worse.

still thinking of you.
all day remembering your presence.
never leaves my mind.
keeps me working to be a better person.
i hope your birthday was good uncle larry.
i know it was magical.
i know you're smiling big.
probably had the biggest birthday cake ever seen. and the biggest piece of fried chicken you could imagine.

i miss you.
know you're having a grand time up there.
happy birthday.

"Rainfall"

2008-03-04T13:16:00.002-05:00

The clouds turning shades slowly,
deeper, darker as the sky dims.
Casting shadows on the ground,
the music drifting, begins to pound.

The wind shakes, begins to rock the grass,
threatening tunes of high and low.
Down on earth, the lightning flashes a picture show.

One sweet drop of rain,
those big burts open, falling down.
Heavy loads, light sprinkles...
darkness glows, heaven twinkles.

Sky so deep it lasts forever,
rumbling music just gets louder.
Waiting anxiously for that beautiful soun,
falling in place all around.

Sit in honest, majestic sky
glaring upward, its wonder I can't deny.
Holding on, to what might be,
letting go in all i can see.

its beauty fell upon me once more today.
the heavenly skies opened up.
gave me a new outlook.
i was holding on too tight.
something i couldnt see before, but has never been clearer.
something that you can't fight for alone.
its funny to find all your answers in the weather.
but thats me, and exactly what i did.
sometimes you just have to let it all go.
even if its confusing.
and you dont understand.
even if you can't figure out why.
take a step back.
look for a different point of view.
see it from a different eye.
dream a different dream
it'll lead you back to what you want.
atleast thats what i can hope.

What a living

2008-02-27T14:58:00.002-05:00

I determined what joy is today.
I watched a kid.
A weak kid.
One that has low motor development skills.
I fell in love with this kid and his weakness.
I'm a sucker for wanting to help. i know.
As soon as I saw him make his first effort to participate, he grabbed my attention.
my heart.
it doesnt take much, but his little face, his compassion, took me by surprise.
{Now you see, these "scoopers" we use to pass a ball back and forth. They aren't easy for most. Only few catch on quickly. It's difficult.}
But this kid was determined. Only thing he wanted to do.
I knew it would be difficult.
But i wanted him to do it too.
Helping him the entire class. Priceless
Frustrating.
But...
He learned.
He made steps. small steps. tiny steps.
Happinesss. victory.
He successfully passed it to me.
We jumped for joy.
:)

"Trust few"

2008-02-27T14:50:00.002-05:00

"The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, nor the kindly smile, nor they joy of companionship; it is the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when you discover that someone else believes in you and is willing to trust you with a friendship"

"You just can't trust anyone" -MOM

Although you're told by someone you respect, something as strong as trust just cant be overlooked. Listening to my heart felt more real on this one; despite past failure. But low and behold, she was right once again. I just can't seem to get this whole trusting thing right. Failing is a big fear, and trusting someone, getting betrayed, such a huge failure in my mind.
How though?
YOu think you got it right, think you have it all figured it out. I thought i did. I thought i couldn't ever get it wrong again.
Ahhhh...but she was right again. Trusting someone, is in my mind, the most precious gift you can give someone. Being trusted by someone, is the most sacred gift you can recieve. Betraying trust, is simply the most crucifying action you can take. And it may never be returned. Not that it should be. Yes there is forgiveness, yes there is forgetting. Loving is so short, forgetting is so long!
I just drives my mind wild, i cant seem to unlock this one. The answer isn't found anywhere. Most things, i can find an answer for, most things that is. And as many times as i try and grasp hold of the answer, the realization comes to me, it hits me, the answer is simple....she was right again. You can't trust anyone.

miss you

2008-02-17T19:24:00.002-05:00

its in the stars tonight. how much i miss you.
i feel so far from you.
but everytime i glance up at the stars, i see you winking at me.
i miss how enduring you are.
how you light up a room with the quick smile of delightfulness.
i pray youre missing me too.
looking down from above.

The beauty of you

2008-01-24T10:45:00.001-05:00

Do you wake at the dawn and spot the surpassing beauty of the sunrise?
Do you feel the wind brushing alongside your skin; the identical wind
that glazes the autumn leaves?
Do you see the beauty of the radiant cardinals that soar through
the slowly drifting clouds in the Heavenly skies?
And then sense those fluffy clouds grazing among Heaven's surface,
and the dream of landing there gives you a rushing high...
Do you feel the shock of lightning shooting through your body when
the clouds turn gloomy and gray.?
Slowly your body heats up and the thunders' pounding beats your lasting emotions away.
Do you smell the beauty in the air as the dripping rain little by little,
seeps down your veins.
Do you picture the sun flying high, sneaking out behind the curves of whiteness?
The shimmer it fires off leaving you blinded, and mind blown beyond imagination.
Do you believe in that same light that shines down on each flower petal,
and moves it to grow and stand on its own.
And the exquititness of the butterfly that rest upon those petals;
their majestic tint.
The way they move in their journey.
Learning and transforming.
Resistance. Perspective. Change.
Beautiful in the beginning and end.
Teaching us to become more than we are.
Do you see their colors blend with the breathtaking sunset falling down,
as the night unwinds.
The array of illumination of magical colors capturing your heart,
leaving you gasping for air.
Deep breaths.
Sighs.
As you reach out, and can almost hold the outermost star in the palm of your hand.
Do you see its beauty shooting out to you?
Waiting for your eyes to gaze upon its presence.
Do you know the loveliness of these Godly creations?
If you were able to capture and truly know,
you still would know nothing of the beauty your existence throws to me.
The beauty of your soul.
And each new moment; something more beautiful unfolds.
For this love,
no experience.
no measure.
no words.
could captivate how beautiful you are to me.

2008-01-24T10:38:00.000-05:00

As the darkness rises and rest down upon me,
blackness of the deep clouds are here to stay.
I stand up, fall daown, find comfort just to lay,
my faith is drifting slowly
with the sun as it softly fades away.

I've reached rock bottom,
yet being pulled further down.
To this place i've known,
for such a long time now.
Still fills my ears with unfamiliar sounds.

At most I fear, it'll never disappear,
the harder i fight,it becomes more near.
Dreading each moment that the pain drifts in,
and it all finally comes to an end.
The pain moving so fast,
and overpowers me at last.

Picture of the World

2008-01-24T10:28:00.000-05:00

This world is cold and crazy
spinning in circles around us
round and round.
All different people
turnin' it upside down.

Each an individual and with their
own kind of thoughts
with their very own opinion,
of how our battles should be fought.

All have their friends, all have their enemies,
those they love and those they tend to envy.
Some are poor with nothing to live for,
some have it all and won't ever fall.

All unique with various faces,
from around the world, coming from different places.
No matter who, you're blessed from above,
with the gift of God's unconditional love.

"Your Dream"

2008-01-24T09:55:00.000-05:00

You commit your life to it,
with the rest of the world against you
Afraid to go forward, running from it;
just out of reach it seems,
its your dream.

A country music star,
sellin' out more than a kareoke bar.
In the hospital, the only doctor in sight,
being a part of the miracle of life.

Starts out as just a fantasy,
yet its all you've ever wanted to be.
Just out of touch it seems,
its your lovely dream.

In the classroom, leaving an impact on all the children,
teaching them to follow their dreams, to keep believin'
on the baseball diamond, makin unstoppable plays,
perfomin like a champion well on their way.

No matter what you do,
follow it all the way through.
Just out of vision it may seem,
believe in your dream.

Just out of reach it seems,
achieve your dream.

Life has to end...Love doesn't!

2008-01-23T12:16:00.000-05:00

"Memory becomes your partner. You nurture it. You dance with it." Life has to end...love doesnt"

It feels like the life has been sucked out of you when you lose someone you love. That explains the feelings that last moment I saw my uncle. As I whisper
'i love you and i'll see you in my dreams', the pain drives deeper into my heart, like a nail driving into a surface so hard, piercing right through it.
The love is still blooming. That tiny grin poking from his face. I felt something ill never experience again, irreplaceable. He smiled as he always did, it never left his face and thats the impression that will forever stand in my mind and everytime i see him in my dreams...

that kind of father to me

2008-01-20T09:53:00.000-05:00

i pick my head up and glance at that huge smile beaming from the framed picture on my desk.
the one i awake to every morning.
i miss him so much more today.
He was that kind of father to me. He was 'there'.
Supportive. determined to put a smile on my face.
He never let a moment go by, without telling me that he wished he could do more to make it better for me.

What he didnt know; was that it couldnt get any better.
to be together. to have him, a dad figure.
to prove to me that i was worth it.

Thats all i needed day after day.
i can feel that now as he continues looking down and "just being there."

A million words running through my head, still speechless of how much
his words
his heart;
made me.

"Fate"

2007-12-27T20:39:00.000-05:00

"sitting in the drive,
smilin at the moon.
Dead as the branches,
i see the light shining through.
How could it be,
hope my heart smiles that way soon.
Circles of glow ring around
surpassing all darkness, covering the silent sound.
To all specks flickering fast frantically in motion,
the promise of all devotion.
From within the dark gaze,
standing upon the wide open sky.
Big ball of bursting fire,
deep within the heart it lies.
Staring, eyes glued to the beauty,
for the colors of dawn, i await
lost in thoughts, falling to memories of fate"